


Incorrect Hetalia Quotes

by bravepolicej_deckerd2



Series: Hetalia [4]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Other, if any of you draw any of these I will love you forever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2019-10-13 19:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17493986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravepolicej_deckerd2/pseuds/bravepolicej_deckerd2
Summary: I've done one for Transformers, why not Hetalia?





	1. Meh

Massachusetts: “What does Logan have that Jake doesn’t?”

Kansas: “People who like him.”

California: “A life.”

* * *

Amsterdam: “This is what I aspire to be with my friends.”

* * *

Finland: “What time’d you get up?”

Denmark: *spends a moment trying to remember* “After 10.”

Norway: “That explains it, then.”

* * *

Iceland: “I don’t think there is a more hype artist right now.”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “You’re grounded for… till college!”

2P!Copenhagen: “FOR TILL COLLEGE?”

2P!Denmark: “FOR TILL COLLEGE!“

* * *

2P!Reykjavik: “Fuck, my backpack’s upstairs.”

2P!Helsinki: “What’d you just say?”

2P!Reykjavik: “My backpack’s upstairs.”

2P!Helsinki: “Before that.”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “I’d rather have a tarantula with a gambling addiction as a pet than one of those flying trash rats!”

* * *

South Korea: “I was gonna say you were robbed, but I love Bob.”

Macau: “I was Bobbed.”

* * *

2P!Nyo!Denmark: “It’s a lot more…rap-y than a lot of other K-Pop groups.”

* * *

Virginia: “Why are you high fiving me? I’m trying to beat you!”

* * *

Kansas: “We can do cult things.”

* * *

Pueblo, Mexico: “That’s just me being a Mexican kid, sorry.”

* * *

Amsterdam: “Whatever keeps me employed.”

* * *

Denmark: “I swear to God, I just heard somebody say chug it.”

* * *

New Hampshire: ”Well… My name is Tyler Jones…”

Scotland: “Wait for it…”

New Hampshire: “But… you probably know me as… Professor Ozpin.”

Scotland: “Ha. Ha-ha. HA HA I DID IT!” *raises fists into air, then falls onto floor*

* * *

2P!Denmark: “Fuck no! Does that answer your question?”

* * *

2P!Denmark: so, your bus driver, Ron

2P!Copenhagen: Beck

2P!Denmark: your bus driver Ron

2P!Copechagen: his name is Beck

2P!Denmark: I thought it was Ron

* * *

Norway: “The taco got you?”

Denmark: *as he’s laughing* “The taco got me.”

* * *

Ohio: “Today, you’re going to be trying some disgusting food trends from around the world.”

child!Mississippi: “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

* * *

Sweden: "Be the bigger person."

Iceland: "No? I’m 5’4 and bitter. You be the bigger person."

* * *

Amsterdam: “I need you to BACK OFF! I’m supposed to be meditating!”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “I'd rather have weed.”

* * *

Amsterdam: "And I couldn't have done it without my sidekick!"

Stockholm: "No offence, Adriaan, but you're the sidekick."

* * *

Sweden: "I'm not like a regular dad, I'm a cool dad. Right, Erland?"

Ladonia: "Please stop talking."

* * *

Vienna: "To what do we owe the honor of this visit?"

Amsterdam: "Jesus!"


	2. Welp

Ladonia: “Ew, I don’t even wanna try this. I want a dessert. Ooh, but it smells so good.”

* * *

Norway: "What’s the one thing I told you not to do tonight?"

Amsterdam: "Bring back the dead."

Norway: "And what did you do?"

Amsterdam: "…bring back the dead."

* * *

 Amsterdam: "None of us have helmets. Girl's night!"

Vienna: "Girl's night!"

Amsterdam: "Just don't hit the street."

DC: _***crashed into corner of building***_

* * *

 Germany: "I'm not gay, I'm just German!"

* * *

DC: “Surely we could do better. Turns out we couldn’t.”

* * *

 South Korea: “I had to pretend that I had never tried on women’s underwear before.”

* * *

South Korea: “It’s because I’m Asian, y’all.”

* * *

Amsterdam: "It's gonna be top notch! Crop top notch!"

* * *

DC: “Are we gonna do a DIY break?!”

South Korea: “We’re gonna do a DIY break.”

DC and Amsterdam: “Yay!”

* * *

Amsterdam: "Honey badger don't care. Honey badger don't give a shit."

Amsterdam: “You think the honey badger cares? It doesn’t give a shit.”

Amsterdam: “Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger smacks the shit out of it.”

Amsterdam: “Look at that sleepy fuck.”

* * *

Moscow: “I’m sorry, but what the fuck is a radian?”

* * *

Wisconsin: "I enjoyed that like a mayonnaise sandwich. Just a big ole glass of eh."

* * *

Macau: “Just buy a puppy and play with it. That’s like the equivalent of 40 drugs in one. …on steroids.”

* * *

Nyo!Finland: "Thanks for saving me, Spiderman." **_pulls mask from other's lips_**

Nyo!Denmark: "Rah!"

* * *

Amsterdam: “My fat little adult fingers are not made for this.”

* * *

Nyo!France: “Hey I’m lesbian.”

Nyo!Iceland: “… I thought you were French.”

* * *

2P!Nor: "Disney pranks! With friends!"

2P!Nor, as he's pouring a spoonful of sugar onto 2P!Sve's spaghetti: "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."

2P!Sve: "Know what? I'm still gonna eat this."

* * *

South Korea: “They’re kinky little shits.”

South Korea: “The FUCK’d you say to me you lil shit?”

* * *

South Korea: "I think you should shut up."

**_moment of silence_ **

Denmark: "No."

South Korea: "Oh."

* * *

Oslo: “Do you think we should start putting South Korea in these?”

DC: “..... yea we probably should.”

* * *

DC: "I do agree; I think this is lacking a rimjob."

* * *

2P!Finland: “Beck, you ignorant slut.”

* * *

Nyo!Denmark: “The tongue has no bones but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words. The tongue like a sharp knife... Kills without drawing blood.”

* * *

Denmark: “Heh, Iceland has biting midges.”

* * *

2P!Nyo!Norway: “You see that? Fire is catching! And if we burn, you burn with us!!”

* * *

2P!Sweden: "Like we're lying on the ground with our mouths."

* * *

2P!Norway: “What?! I can’t read!”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “We’ll see you in Europe!”

2P!Finland: “I’ll see your mom in Europe.”

* * *

South Korea: “I will fuck you up if you question my skill again.”

* * *

Nyo!Norway: “Anger is born of the people’s love for each other.”

* * *

Wyoming: “Why have all these letters if you’re not going to use them, Massachusetts?”

Wyoming: “Either pronounce them the way they’re written, or write them differently, Massachusetts!”

Wyoming: “This is why the rest of America doesn’t like to hang out with you.”

* * *

Ohio: “Do you cry much? It looks like an ad for an antidepressant.”

Taiwan: “That’s so cool! This is the coolest language.”

Arizona: “Yeah, no. I’m just gonna go.”

West Virginia: “It sounds more like an ancient prayer than a town.”

* * *

South Korea: “All I know about Danish is the pastry.”

New Hampshire: “It’s its own Danish beef.”

South Korea: “This reminds me of calculus more than a language.”

New Hampshire: “I feel like I’m saying it correct, but in an American way.”

* * *

2P!Sweden: "So I'm sitting there, barbeque sauce on my titties."

Oslo: **_starts laughing her ass off_**

* * *

New York: “Can you guys cay Colorado?”

New Hampshire: **_*flies by on skis, in a giraffe onesie*_** “I’M A GIRAFFE!”

* * *

DC: "To be a little bit stupid. Nah, it's to go wild."

* * *

Helsingborg: “Oh. Yeah. I should get out of the car.”

* * *

Riga: “Which room is Lithuania’s?”

Vilnius: “The room with the hot guy in it?”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “He finally took his jacket off!”

2P!Sweden: “JACK IT OFF! JACK IT OFF!”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “It’s ok, so long as you have your rolling paper, you can get high over and over again.”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “Woah! Man! This tastes like ass!”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “Hello? Is anyone around? I swear we’re not Mormons.”

* * *

Germany: “Let me turn over! Please!”

* * *

Norway: “Protecting my brother is my responsibility. So could you watch him for a little bit?”

* * *

Norway: “Ahaha! I’m a beautiful butterfly!”

* * *

South Korea: “Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong, let’s all get along (except robbers).”

* * *

Macau: “What if I told you this video was one big Markimoo joke?”

South Korea: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-------"


	3. Mlem

Taiwan: "What'd they say about Japan?"

Nyo!Ladonia: "Tentacle porn."

* * *

Denmark: “Sex is great, but have you ever had pie?”

* * *

South Korea: “Fuck you, assholes. I’m going for it.”

* * *

America: “I used too much egg.”

* * *

South Korea: “We need to develop the glutens.” **_Pause, then starts punching the dough_**

* * *

South Korea: **_just… hammers the dough with rolling pin_**

* * *

South Korea: “It’s so buttery and delicious.”

* * *

Denmark: “If you don’t have a filling in your pie, you don’t have a pie, fuckhole.”

* * *

South Korea: “Shut up! Shut up! Science facts! Science facts! Zoom!”

* * *

South Korea: “I got seven core… and seven whores.”

* * *

Denmark: **_eating apple as South Korea and America are cooking apples_**

* * *

America: “You ever just give up completely?”

* * *

* * *

America: “Your pie looks shitty.”

South Korea: “Your face looks shitty.”

* * *

South Korea: “It’s like pita bread.”

* * *

* * *

Ladonia: “Water freezes, water boils. Either way, you’re just as dead.”

* * *

2P!Iceland: “Hahaha, now what the hell are you?”

Nyo!Finland: “You ask who I am?” **_*points_** **_at_** **_herself with thumb*_** “A HOUSEWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!!!”

* * *

Helsinki: “I can rp sex, I’m just not interested in it myself.”

Iceland: “Oh, so you’re asexual.”

* * *

South Korea: “Ooo, the astrolotea is hot today.”

* * *

South Korea: “Does this mean that the sign we rank worst is in fact worse than the other eleven signs?”

New Jersey: “No, it does not. It means I don’t want you around me.”

South Korea: **_*Laughs*_**

* * *

New Jersey: “Yeah. I’m right. You’re wrong. Shut. The fuck. Up.”

South Korea: “Yeah! Astrology, bitches!”

* * *

South Korea: “We finished the astrolotea.”

New Jersey: “I need to go to therapy right now.”

* * *

North Dakota: “Why’d you do it Steven?”

West Virginia: “I didn’t do anything.”

Lower Michigan Peninsula: “Yeah you did.”

* * *

Australia: “Everyone loves shiny shit.”

* * *

Montana: “Stone cold killer.”

Arizona: “Yes, that’s me.”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “Tak, jeg hader det.”

2P!Reykjavik: “Takk! Ég hata þetta.”

* * *

Denmark: “Hey bro, can I have a sip of that water?”

Iceland: “It's not water.”

Denmark: “Vodka! I like your style!”

Iceland: “It's vinegar.”

Denmark: “What?”

Iceland: “It's vinegar, pussy.”

* * *

Kansas: “Mess with the squad, get the rod.”

* * *

DC: “I’m ready for a sleepover.”

Amsterdam: “Ok.”

**_*DC and Moscow are having a sissy fight with their sleeves*_ **

* * *

South Korea: “I put D for doink because William fucked me up.”

DC: “That’s what I did, too. It’s doink!”

South Korea: “No, it’s boink. God damn it, William.”

* * *

* * *

DC, to Moscow: “So you would boink the alternate version of yourself that didn’t follow his dreams.”

* * *

Moscow: “One of us is gonna save Hogwarts and it’s gonna be me! Not Hermione! Me!”

South Korea: “You’re such a Gryffindor.”

* * *

South Korea: “Have you seen a giraffe’s tongue? Sorry, that was very loud.”

* * *

Amsterdam: “That’s a cereal. And I’m not a cereal killer.”

**_*the other three freak the freak out*_ **

* * *

Ohio: “Burger King foot lettuce.”

* * *

Ohio: “Grandma’s got a boner.”

* * *

Ohio: “Grandma’s gotta shave.”

* * *

Moscow: “Speck! Tacular.”

* * *

DC: “I’m just excited to play with the clay.”

* * *

Amsterdam: “Oooo, now it looks like a weird nipple.”

* * *

DC: “I am not putting olives in this fucking bowl!”

* * *

Amsterdam: “You’re a real dick sometimes.”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “It’s return address contest time! Oh my god!”

* * *

Nyo!Reykjavik: “Hey! No free rides!”

Nyo!Oslo: “Be quite and drive!”

* * *

Faroe Islands: “No! Tell me I didn’t fry the quantum enhancer! Tell me I didn’t fry the quantum enhancer!”

Copenhagen: **_*walks in*_** “What happened?”

Norway: “Eleonora friend the quantum enhancer.”

* * *

Amsterdam: “We still are! At least, I still are.”

Nyo!Oslo: “I are too.”

Copenhagen: “We are a team.”

* * *

2P!Iceland: “Hey! Who invited you?”

Nyo!Oslo: “I crashed!”

* * *

DC: “I want a bib. Where’s my bib?”

* * *

South Korea: "Like everything in Asian culture, gotta get a 100."

* * *

DC: “Are we GFILFS?”

* * *

Amsterdam, Moscow, DC: “You better work, bitch!”

* * *

* * *

DC: “Wooooooo! Oh, god. It blew exhaust in my face.”

* * *

DC: “You can’t say lube and then say stroke.”

* * *

2P!Nyo!Sweden: “So, you lost. Hah! Kidding!”

2P!Nyo!Norway: “You lost.”

* * *

South Korea: “I landed on Jojo Siwa.”

* * *

Clown: **_*handing giraffe balloon animal*_** “Alright, now what animal have I given you?”

South Korea: “IT’S PIKACHU!”

* * *

Hawaii: “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

West Virginia: “America.”

* * *

2P!Denmark: **_*high*_** “You realize how rude that is?”

2P!Denmark: “You’re not nice.”

Denver: “I’m asking you for advice here, Austin.”

2P!Denmark, laughing: “My name is Mikkel!”

* * *

2P!Norway, handing 2P!Den an Oreo McFlurry: “I got you an Oreo McFlurry because I though you could use the calories.”

* * *

DC: “I believe in you, Aleks.”

Moscow: *looks at him* “I said shut the fuck up.”

Amsterdam: “He’s got a knife.”

* * *

South Korea: “Everyone should know what it feels like to get punched in the face.”

* * *

DC: “Hello tiny assassin.”

* * *

Amsterdam: “Dutch punch!” **_*just... punches South Korea out of nowhere*_**

* * *

South Korea: “Get it?”

Denmark: “Hahaha, no.”

South Korea: “Good.”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “Toss me my keys.”

**_*crash*_ **

2P!Denmark: “I said my keys.”

2P!Sweden: “I thought you said printer.”

2P!Denmark: “Why the fuck would I say printer?”

* * *

South Korea: “Hey, Adriaan. I allow you to give us a good miso pun.”

Amsterdam: “Oh… mi so horny.”

**_*they crack up, along with Moscow and DC*_ **

South Korea: “I meant about the tasting and the experience.”

* * *

South Korea: "Bees are coming!"

* * *

South Korea: "You guys ok?"

Moscow: "I need an EpiPen."

* * *

2P!Denmark: “Oh, no. His head exploded.”

* * *

Iceland: “Oh, you.”

Liechtenstein: “Oh, you.”

2P!Denmark: “Oh, no!”

* * *

Iceland: “You’re four years older than me, Lukas.”

Norway: “Since when?”

Iceland: “Since birth!”

* * *

Iceland: “What I’m saying is the planet’s on fucking fire.”

Iceland: “Are any of them free? No, nothing’s free, you idiots.”

Iceland: “Safety glasses off, motherfuckers.” **_*blows on burning globe, which does nothing*_**

* * *

Denmark: “Now we’re having a threesome.”

Norway: “Wait, what?”

* * *

2P!Norway: “I couldn’t find the hole.”

2P!Finland: “Maybe that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

* * *

2P!Denmark: “I wanna eat that nose.”

* * *

2P!Iceland: “Maybe I’m gonna go to jail.”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “Return address contest! Woooo!”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “Lincoln!”

South Korea: “From?”

2P!Sweden: “Utah.”

South Korea: **_*laughing*_** “Ok.”

* * *

2P!Sweden: “Uh… go Gators.”


	4. Wat

**Moscow** : “We put the ass in Texas.”

 **South Korea** : “God damn it, Aleks.”

 

 **Norway** : “You want my what?”

 

 **2P!Lithuania** : “What are you doing?”

 **2P!Denmark** : “I’m distracting you, ya big turdblossom.”

 

**_while 2P!Den, Nyo!Sweden, 2P!Finland, and Hong Kong are all touching in some way and 2P!Den's holding the power stone_ **

**2P!Lithuania** : “You’re mortal, how?!”

 **2P!Denmark** : “You said it yourself, bitch. We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy.”

 

 **Finland** : "What have you got there?"

 **Ladonia** : "A KNIFE!"

 **Finland** : "NO!"

 

 **Moscow** **and Amsterdam** : "Vi elsker dig Danmark!"

 **Amsterdam** : "And Daneland."

Nyo!Denmark: **_trying not to laugh_** "It's Denmark."

 

 **Nyo!Sweden** : “Groot! Get out of the way! You’re gonna get hurt!”

**_Groot waves_ **

**Nyo!Sweden** : “Hi.”

 

 **2P!Finland** : “Ah, shit. Did I use the wrong eye again?”

 

 **2P!Finland** : “Your name is Tazerface?”

 

 **Nyo!Sweden** : “What were you about to say to Leon before I walked out?”

 **Taiwan** : **_after a moment_** “Nothing. Your quarters are this way.”

 

 **Nyo!Iceland** : “You just wanted to win! I just wanted a sister!”

 

 **2P!Denmark** : “I’m going to create some weird shit.”

 

 **Taiwan** : “I should have told you earlier! I was stupid! You are in danger!”

 

 **2P!Denmark** : “YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!”

 

 **Nan!Svealand** : “Hey there, jackass!”

 

 **2P!Denmark** : “What’s Smurfette doing here?”

 **Nyo!Iceland** : “Whatever I need to do to get a damn ride home.”

 **2P!Finland** : “She tried to murder me!”

 **Nyo!Iceland** : “I saved you, you stupid fox.”

 **Nyo!Sweden** : “He’s not a fox.”

 **Groot** : “I am Groot!”

 **2P!Finland** : “I am not a raboon, either!”

 **Groot** : “I am Groot!”

 **2P!Finland** : “Raccoon, whatever.”

 

 **2P!Finland** : “So are we saving the Galaxy again?”

 **2P!Denmark** : “I guess so!”

 

 **Taiwan** : “Your crabby puppy is so cute I wanna die.”

 

 **2P!Denmark** : **_laughs a bit_**

 **Nan!Svealand** : “What?”

 **2P!Denmark** : “You look like Mary Poppins.”

 **Nan!Svealand** : “Is he cool?”

 **2P!Denmark** : **_nods a bit_** “Yeah, he’s cool.”

 **Nan!Svealand** : “I’m Marry Poppins, y’all!”

 

 **Taiwan** : **_gets knocked out_**

 **Hong Kong** : “Mei look out!”

 

 **Nan!Svealand** : “He may have been your father, boy. But he wasn’t your daddy.”

 **Also nan!Svealand** : **_sacrifices self for 2P!Denmark_**

 **2P!Denmark** : “No!”

 

 **2P!Denmark** : “And now I know how Kennet felt.”

 

 **Norway** : “You see, there’s this thing in my constitution called article 1 which states that the Kingdom of Norway is indivisible. So… here’s a taco.”

 

 **Toronto** : "This feels like an attack."

 **Toronto** : "I look like a hooker troll."

 

 **Norway** : "But it's an explosion of floppy passion."

 

 **2P!Nyo!Denmark** : “I can taste the air. It’s delicious.”

 

 **Amsterdam** : “And the hat.”

 **2P!Nyo!Denmark** : “Oh! And the hat!”

 

 **New Hampshire** : “Is almond a fruit?”

 **2P!Nyo!Denmark** : “What?”

 **New Hampshire** : “Is almond a fruit?”

 **2P!Nyo!Denmark** : “You’re adorable.”

 

 **Nan!Paris** : "Oh, you gave birth to it."

 **Nyo!Maine** : "I would make a dirty joke, but I'm not going to."

 

 **2P!Sweden** : “Ok, how about Mulan?”

 **2P!Denmark** : “There's never a wrong time to dress in drag!!!”

 **2P!Sweden** : “Ok then. Lion King!!!”

 **2P!Denmark** : “There's never a wrong time to dress in drag-“

 **Both** : “And do the hula-“

 **Both** :  “OOOHHHH!!!!!”

 

 **2P!Sweden** : “Bambi.”

 **2P!Denmark** : “Man is dangerous.”

 **2P!Sweden** : “Pocahontas.”

 **2P!Denmark** : “ ** _White_** man is dangerous.”

 

 **2P!Denmark** : “Why are you only quoting Mary Pop-“

 **2P!Sweden** : “BECAUSE JULIE ANDREWS IS A BEAUTIFUL GODDESS AND BECAUSE I CAN!!”

 

 **Nan!Orkney** : “What kind of emotional, cause I’m fragile.”

 **Nan!Orkney** : “Am I dead inside? Should I have a different reaction to these videos?”

 

 **Virginia** : “Oh, so close.”

 **Ladonia** : **_*climbs onto table and lies on back*_**

 **Virginia** : “Oh, good night.”

 

 **Amsterdam** : “O, d, y, l, l, i, c. Odylic?”

 **Virginia** : “Damn it, Adriaan. So close.”

 **Amsterdam** : “I’m sorry, one l?”

 

 **The Hague** : “Is that a tiny Matthias?”

 **Arizona** : “That is a tiny Matthias.”

 

 **Maine** : "Thanks for watching the show. We love you."

 **New Hampshire** : "No, I don't love you."

 

 **New Hampshire** : "Isn't that what they say in Rugrats?"

 **Nyo!Denmark** : "I wasn't allowed to watch Rugrats."

 **New Hampshire** : "WHAT?"

 

 **South Korea** : **_*as he’s laughing*_** “I love how you were so pumped for half of that sentence and then you like, you died at the end.”

 

 **2P!Lithuania** : “I’ll show you something you’ve never seen before!”

 **Nan!Oslo** : “Ugh, let me guess. Magna beam?”

 **2P!Lithuania** : “Magna… wait, how did you know?”

 

 **DC** : “You just mayonnaised me in the face!”

 **South Korea** : “That’s what she said.”

 

 **Amsterdam** : "Oh, well. Sucks to suck."

 

 **Nyo!Wales, to Reykjavik** : "So, what are you knitting?"

 **Reykjavik and Maine** : "It's not knitting, it's crocheting."

 **Nyo!Wales** : "What?"

 **2P!Edinburgh, walking by in swim trunks, hands cupped over mouth, and having overheard** : "Knitting requires two needles, crocheting requires a hook."

 

 **Amsterdam** : **_*whispering*_** “Alright, nice, I’m almost as good as a guy with a crippling disease.”

 **DC** : **_*bursts out laughing*_**

 

 **Denmark** : “In this one we have a wild animal. **_*lifts up box*_** It’s Dillon.”

 **Hawaii** : “Did you lick me?”

 **Ireland** : “They told me to.”

 

 **Saint** **Petersburg** , **Russia** : “Good, because the alternative is using your skin for a new pair of boots.”

 **New York** : **_*giggling*_**

 **Saint Petersburg** : “Yours, too.”

 **New York** : “I didn’t do anything.”

 **Saint Petersburg** : “Exactly.”

 

 **Hopi** : "I'm too young to die!"

 **Spain** : "I'm not, but I still don't wanna!"

 

 **Arizona** : “My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right, of course, but it still hurt.”

 

 **Elleore** : “Yeah. What?”

**_*fake screen falls to ground*_ **

**Elleore** : “Oh no!”

 **The** **Hague** : “Our TV.”

 

 **Amsterdam** : “This ostrich thinks I’m a lady!”

**_*ostrich sounds and head dives down*_ **

**Amsterdam** : “Woah.”

**_*head pops back up, Amsterdam looks at it*_ **

 

 **Amsterdam** : “What makes cheese hard?”

**_*weird laughter from the Dutch guy*_ **

**Amsterdam** : **_*pounds fists on table*_** “Get it together, Adriaan!”

 

 **Preteen!Iceland** : **_shows them the Norwegian flag he painted on a block of wood_**

 **Czech** **Republic** : “Oh, is that Sweden’s flag?”

 **Danelaw** : “No, that’s Norway’s. Sweden’s is **_proceeds to describe Switzerland’s flag_** ”

 **Preteen!Iceland** : “That’s Switzerland’s. Sweden’s is like Norway’s but with two colors.”

 

 **Sweden** : “What’s the matter? Got a hot date?”

 **Götaland** : “Yeah, with your wife.”

**_every other Nordic is dead at the comeback_ **

****

**Austria** : "My spectacles."

 **England, annoyed and in an American accent** : “What?"

 **Austria** : "I have a spare."

 

 **Helsinki** : "What up with the disco ball?"

 **Random human 15yo DJ** : "Sorry, I hit the wrong thing."

 **Helsinki** : "No! Fifteen years ago you mom **_gave birth_** to the wrong thing!"

 

 **Vienna** : “Adriaan, you gonna join us?”

 **Amsterdam** : “I will not keep calm. I will raise hell and break shit.”

_**Everyone busts out laughing at that** _

 

 **Finland** : "Everybody stay calm."

 **Denmark** : _screams_

 **Finland** : "Why are you screaming?"

 

 **Ireland** : “Oh! I didn’t enchant anything before I came down here!”

 

 **Ireland** : “That’s stupid. What do you think this is, Minecraft?”

 

 **Ireland** : “There’s some weird, creepy baby following me. I’m not your dad!”

 

 **Ireland** : “I don’t know if I want to eat Dutch mushrooms.”

 

 **Ireland** : “Why do people allow me to have things? Why do people allow me to have nice things?”

 

 **Ireland** : “Can I has?”

 

 **Ireland** : “It’s time to go back to the Netherlands!”

 

 **Ireland** : “I could’ve been rolling in the deep with Adele!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Kansas** : “Howdy. Shut up.”

 

 **2P!Sweden** : "Bente, could you come here?"

 **Nyo!Norway** : _comes_ _over_ "What?"

 **2P!Sweden** : "If you were my girlfriend..."

 **2P!Nyo!Finland** : "Oh, what a great way to start a question."

 

 **Nyo!Norway** : "So he was just using me to get a good grade."

 **Nan!Oslo** : "Sorry Bente."

 **2P!Nyo!Finland** : "You must be feeling really stupid right now."

 **2P!Sweden** : "Ok that's a time out."

 **2P!Nyo!Finland** : "But I was just...…"

 **2P!Sweden** : "Go sit on the steps."

 

 **Amsterdam** : "Tell the truth, bitch!"

 

 **South** **Korea** : "Wow, William sucks... banana."

 **Amsterdam** : "Wooo!"

_they high five_

 

 **Washington, DC** : "Astronaut, bitch. I'm going to the moon."

 

 **Amsterdam, DC, Moscow** : "Try Guys Game Time!"

 

 **South Korea** : "Try Guys Gay Time."

 

 **2P!Norway** : "I haven't had fruit today."

 **2P!Denmark** : _steals one of the grape quarters and eats it_

 **2P!Norway** : _laughing_ "You are reaping the rewards of my labor."

 

 **2P!Denmark** : "Some Smurfs got Thanos'd."

 **2P!Norway** : _laughing_

 

 **2P!Sweden** : “Aww, they’re rats. I read a human story where a piper led them away by playing a flute.”

 **2P!Finland** : “I don’t have a flute.”

 

 **Nyo!New Hampshire** : “Is he that one guy that drinks titty milk from a bag?”

 

 **nan!North Dakota** : “Kinda like an itty bitty Energizer bunny from hell, huh?”

 

 **nan!North Dakota** : “Nokia. Evil little thing. Gotta respect the Japanese. They know the way of the Samurai.”

 **nyo!Australia** : “Nokia’s from Finland.”

 **D.C.** : “Yeah, but he’s a little... strange. He’s a little strange.”

 

 **Nyo!Iceland** : "Which brings us to Leevi's stupid music segment."

_cut to 2P!Finland just... screaming_

 

 **Amsterdam** : "Is that a pepper?"

 

 **Arizona** : "On a scale from 1-10, how high are you?"

 **Nyo!Amsterdam** : "Pretty frickin high, that I am."

 **2P!Denmark** : "Like a... 14."

 **Arizona** : "Oh, god."

 **2P!Denmark** : "Yeah, that's accurate." _laughs_

 

 **2P!Sweden:** "Are you high?"

 **2P!Denmark:** "Am I what?"

 **2P!Sweden:** "High."

 **2P!Denmark:** "Hello."

 

 **2P!Norway:** "Svealand said stealth is optimal in this mission."

***The Nordics all stare at 2P!Finland, who currently has a bazooka***

**2P!Denmark:** "In Leevi’s defense, It still counts as stealth if no one lives to tell the tale."

 

 **2P!Finland:** "THE FLOOR IS HATING MIKKEL!!!"

 **Sweden, 2P!Norway, 2P!Sweden, Denmark:** *latch onto the goddamn ceiling*

 **2P!Denmark:** *drops to the floor*

 **Everyone, simultaneously:** "MIKKEL NOOOO!"

 

 **South Korea** : "Hey, Emil. Pan to the baby on the ground."

 **Iceland** : *turns camera to baby doll on the ground in a red tye dye onesie*

 

 **Nyo!Finland** : “What does your shirt say?”  
**Nyo!Prussia** : *looks at her* “Don’t ask me what my shirt says.”

 

 **Amsterdam** : “Oh look a litte baby person.”

 

 **South Korea** : “Well that’s a limp dick fry if I ever saw one.”


End file.
